We were somewhat surprised to find out that today is the Dia de Marinha or Navy Day (a day which lasts a week, it seems) and that the whole of the navy has gone on holiday down to the Algarve. There they are parading about in their dress whites or whatever they’re called and blowing on bugles and being very…erm, well … summery. Seems they’ve taken most of the ships with them (I don’t know how many the navy has but I believe they can all fit into a normal sized bath tub) which of course leaves us here in the north completely undefended. Where is the navy to stop marauding pirates from making landfall along our bit of the coast – memories of the English pirate, Drake, are still quite fresh in some quarters – and what if the Galicians decide to invade, huh? Where will we be then? OK, I know that we actually get invaded by hordes from Galiza every weekend, but what if they decided that they want more than what IKEA offers, what then?
Of course we wouldn’t have known about any of this if we hadn’t had the TV on in the kitchen and no doubt would have been spared the mental anguish of feeling vulnerable and in danger of being raped and pillaged by sea-born foes. But then if it hadn’t been for the TV then we would have had a pretty quiet or at least unremarkable week anyway. I mean, what is one to do with the knowledge that prodigious amounts of oil continue to spew out in the Gulf of Mexico in spite of the director of BP’s blandishments that all is OK with the world or that another plane has fallen off the end of a runway, or that Bangkok is under martial law or that there has been a train crash in China or, as bad in its own way, that Cameron and Clegg continue the charm offensive and offer to do all the easy things they can do (and which Labour should have done if they’d ended their term of government with half a brain between them) and thus gain lots of popular support. Of course, what is wrong with all of this is not just that these are all inherently disturbing events but, more significantly, there is absolutely nothing you can do about any of it. In the case of the recent UK election even less than usual in my case as this is the first year I have been disenfranchised and so have no vote. What is it that makes us want to be witnesses to horrible actions and ogle at the results of disasters over which we have no control? Of course, I defend our right to be morbidly curious and to know about those things that will plunge us into varying degrees of depression but I do believe I am reaching the point when I simply don’t want to know any more.
That way I wouldn’t have had my Sunday spoiled by knowing that Portuguese navy has left us defenceless against a cruel enemy. Best for us to meet the barbarians half way, I suppose, and go to IKEA ourselves.
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